The Loss

“…But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6.33)

Yesterday, after ten days of stuck fermentation, I finally got the correct yeast to break the stuck cycle. I mixed the yeast with warm water and some sugar, then added it to the must. I picked up one carboy to shake it and after it was shaken, when putting it down, it slipped and hit the other carboy, shattering both.

I stood and said,”I cannot believe I just did that.”

Although this batch of wine has been a complete frustration to me, I was looking forward to it more than I realized. When the carboys broke, it was as if three years of work was soaking into the ground. I have grieved, and with the scenario going through my head, there was a part of me that did not believe this happened, that I would awaken from a deep sleep and all this was just a bad dream. Why should I not grieve? This was a loss, not just a misplaced item, but a real loss. It hurt, bad.

The reality is, however, the juice is gone. There is always next year, but the juice from the Traminette this year is soaking in the ground. Dreams of a wine to send to Indianapolis this summer are dashed. Christmas presents are watering the grass.

Every part of my being feels super sensitized since this happened. I had no idea how much self investiture I had until it was gone. I hope I can take this concentrated sense and apply it to other parts of my life.

Spiritually, I have seen myself growing, but with plenty of room for more growth. if I can put all this energy into an “added thing” [in reference to Matthew 6:33], then it is my prayer that I will in turn recognize the possibility that lies within me as I make a similar investiture into the Kingdom of God.

Intellectually, this has been a learning experience for both Diane and me. We have said that each year in the vineyard gives us a different perspective as to the care needed and how to implement such care. This year, in addition to caring for the vines, we get to have a harvest of the fruits of our labor, and watch as the juice is extracted from said fruit. So we learn…

I learn not to be such a dumb ass and instead do things in such a way that safety and the preservation of previous labor is insured.

In time, the pain will not be as sharp and other things will come to take the place of this incident. I guess it’s time to move on.

So, this is to say goodbye to what I think would have been a wonderful wine, it would have been fun, it would have been good, but the truth is, it will not be.

September 6, 2013

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